For many caregivers, one of the most difficult aspects of their seemingly thankless jobs is the ingratitude of the family members for whom they are providing care. A friend and geriatric manager recently forwarded to me this article from The New York Times:
New York Times article on healthcare decision-making
The article was written by a self-proclaimed ungrateful, legally blind octogenarian. I hope readers find it as beautifully written as I did. More importantly, I found that the article gave me a glimpse into the hearts of those we help who are “ungrateful.”
I would also commend to my readers the comments that were posted in The New York Times by readers (although it may be that one has to have a digital subscription to read them). The comments run the gamut of readers who empathize with the woman who wrote the article, to those who scold her, to those who find some empathy and understanding for themselves as caregivers who also feel negative emotions.
I find it helpful to remember that we are children when we come into the world and often like “children” when we are going out. We don’t expect our children to be grateful, at least I didn’t . We bring our children here and it is our work to care for them–we don’t do it for their gratitude. At the same time, maybe we are expecting too much from our aging relatives that they be grateful.
One reader commented on the difference between being “gracious” and being “grateful.” I hope that I will remember to be gracious someday to my children if they have to care for me, even if I cannot be grateful.